Almost Home

This past week I've been moving from the dorm room that I've lived in for the past school year to a house that me and three friends are renting for the next school year. It's been super hectic and there's no internet at the house, so I'm updating on campus via phone because my laptop died.
So like me to let that happen. But I am determined to make blogging a habit that I don't give up halfway on.
When I make goals, I meet the goals.
Also, an envelope I had with all the tips I made in the past 3 weeks somehow has gone missing through the move too? I'm rather upset about it because I was saving it to the end of the month so I could take all the tithing out at once and I'm always so careful with my money that is pretty hard earned and suddenly I've misplaced almost 200$ = =
Well, money isn't the most important thing in life.

I still have mixed feelings about the residence life experience. And my whole first year experience. I wasn't as outgoing as I told myself I should be and I'm still not super tight with anyone. My grades and health took a beating when my homesickness and anxiety/panic attacks kicked in. I went to the gym, but not as often as I told myself I should. I thought it would be easy to make friends with the people on my floor but I only really am friends with 2 of them. I thought if anything, I would still have the YSA in the branch, but it was hard to fit in with them too.

On the other hand, I am extremely humbled by many things that have happened these past 8 months. My testimony that God looks out for me and has a plan for me that isn't in my view and is better than I ever could have made happen is stronger than ever. In some ways I am weaker than I thought I was, but I'm also stronger and more independent than when I first left home. I'm less afraid of making phone calls and taking matters into my own hands. I have a steady job with steady income that allowed me to be able to pay for my first month of rent and all my furniture. I appreciate my family and friend group much more acutely (and miss them extremely) now that I've experienced living without the constant immediate love, warmth, comfort, and acceptance that was always available for me to rely on.

When I was deciding where to go for university, I did an immense amount of fasting and praying. Queens came to me as the clear answer and even now I'm not quite sure as to why. I remember how surprised my friends were because I'm the one who's most attached to home, most restricted(ish) by my parents, sometimes I can be kind of a baby (only with my school friend group. Otherwise I'm pretty big sistery cuz I am the oldest child). I was pretty surprised too.
Why not UBC? All the school parents said it was a waste not to accept.
Why not BYU? I took my SATs, did all the application stuff, got accepted to Provo and Idaho, the environment would've been great with the members, maybe easier to make friends, not to mention all the church parents saying I should just go so I can hurry up and get married. Also it'd be easier to take 2 years off for a mission.
Sometimes I still wonder why I'm here.
I don't really know yet. But one day I'll look back and see how this all played out in God's plan for me.

In the meantime, 5 more days until I'm home <3

I Know that My Redeemer Lives

Easter today!

It is today, many centuries ago that Jesus Christ our Saviour resurrected from the dead after atoning for our sins in Gethsemane and dying on the cross of calvary.
It is through Christ's resurrection that we have the chance to repent for our sins and to return to the kingdom of our God and Heavenly Father after this short mortal life.
I know that there is no way but through Christ to return to heaven, and I know that he suffered and gave his life willingly because He loved us, loved God, and knew His part in the grand plan.

I know Jesus Christ is my personal Saviour, and the Saviour of all those who will accept Him.
I know that He knows of all our struggles personally, because He experienced them for Himself.
I know that God lives, and His work and Glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.
I know that it is through the Gospel of Jesus Christ that we can come to experience true happiness.
I eagerly await the Second Coming, when Jesus will come on earth again to reign.
Today we celebrate, not just the atonement, but the resurrection of Christ.

In the name of Jesus Christ,
amen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KH6ZKO_Y5iQ

I Very Sincerely Apologize

Sometimes I'm completely sure that I am a walking embarrassment, so I'd like to apologize for existing.

Also I'd like to apologize for my last post.

It makes me want to throw up because it is word vomit, but if I take it down it also feels like I'm just hiding my shame.

Why am I blogging again?
To improve my writing and to get my thoughts out. Right.

But the thing about blogging is that it's not a diary or a journal because it's too public. Running a blog is weird because I want people to read it but I also don't. Hmm.

Well, I just want to apologize for my last post because it's so pretentious and disgusting.

Who am I even apologizing to?

I guess anyone who has had the misfortune of reading it.

I'm gonna update Mondays and Thursdays, possibly Sundays from now on. I'll think of themes soon.

I don't care what anyone says, it's still Monday right now because I haven't gone to bed and woken up again yet.

Might write something tomorrow on all the eventful things that happened today, but most likely that's not going to happen because exams and work.

Ah well.

Oh look, another post of word vomit.

Maybe this is why people are so impressed with me when they see my actual good writing.

Who's gonna read this anyway.

Sweet Tooth (mark I)

I've never been fond of things overly sweet, whether they were sugary words or sugary cakes. Cookies and cream held no appeal, and towards frostings I only felt mild distaste.

But lately I've been craving candies. Hard or soft, sweet or tangy. Ice creams and rice crispies, brownies and chocolate goods. Tastes that will melt in my mouth and satisfy something inside. I can't put my finger on what this feeling is, but as soon as the sweets reach my mouth, no matter how much I wanted it before, I realize it's not what I'm looking for. 

I don't want hot chocolate. I want my mother's company in the kitchen and the aroma of hot milk and honey for a late night sip.

I don't want gummies. I want to share them with my friends, people who know and understand me and who I am, and I want to laugh about their strange shapes as we eat more than we want to just for the fun of it.

I don't want cookies. I want to bake them in a kitchen of my own, in the comfort of my own home, to make them with less sugar than the recipe calls for because I've never been fond of things overly sweet.

Less of a Sweet Tooth, and more of a Sweet Heart that is yearning to go home to the familiar, where everything is naturally sweetened, no artificial additives, and no sugar added because no more is needed.